Joy.

I will freely admit that the first few weeks home from the hospital were rough. At first everything made me sad--especially the fact that my little girls were not acting like my little girls: Dorothy was extra combative and Lucy was extra needy. It was painfully difficult to get anything done without tears from someone.

After the first week or two, after all our company had gone back home, I felt myself moving from being sad to being frustrated. I just wanted our happy routine and put-together life back, darn it! I found myself praying more and more about how I could be better for my children, how I could not get angry when everything seemed to fall apart day after day, and how I could find joy in the simple things again. I prayed frequently and as fervently as I could, and I hoped that an answer would come sooner than later.

Well, this past weekend we had stake conference. My plan was to leave Marty to the Saturday sessions and we would all go together for the Sunday session. However, at the last minute on Saturday morning, my wonderful mother-in-law (no doubt heeding some prompting of the spirit) called to say her plans had changed and she would gladly watch the girls if I wanted to go up with my husband for the evening. I quickly accepted, got the girls down for naps and cleaned myself up, and we were off to our meetings.

Because they were calling a new stake president this weekend, one of the members of the first quorum of the seventy was here to visit. When he got up to address us, the spirit was strong. But then he got into his message and I was overwhelmed. It was the answer to my prayers--very specifically the answer to my prayers. I have never felt so strongly before that words in a talk were meant for me. I could not keep myself from crying and had to croak out the words to the closing song I was still so choked up. I went home that night resolved to get our little family back where we needed to be.

Here we are at the end of Monday, and we found our joy. I have my little girls back. I can truly enjoy my son. Our family feels cohesive and strong. I have spent the whole day smiling as I watched my girls eat leftover birthday cake for breakfast, Lucy running around the barn looking for chicken eggs, Dorothy moving around piles of dirt while I weeded the garden with my baby boy slung to my chest, and Dorothy wearing her new princess gown, ruby slippers, and crown as she held my hand on our walk to the library.

Will there still be hard days? Yes. However, I have felt such an overwhelming love from my Heavenly Father and reassurance that He will help me through all of this that those hard days will not seem nearly as hard. We are ready for JOY.

Just for today...

I was re-reading a January 2012 Ensign article this morning and came across this quotation by President N. Eldon Tanner:

"As we reflect on the value of resolving to do better, let us determine to discipline ourselves to carefully select the resolutions we make, to consider the purpose for making them, and finally to make commitments for keeping them and not letting obstacles stop us. Let us remind ourselves at the beginning of each day that we can keep a resolution just for that day."

Especially after bringing home our new baby a few weeks ago, I am having to remind myself of this on a day-to-day basis. I CAN meet goals and resolutions on a daily basis--especially when I let myself rely on the Lord. Truly it is ONLY when I let myself rely on the Lord.

Let it begin!!

An inspection of the garden at playtime brought the exciting discovery of the rhubarb pushing its way through the soil. Time to get our beds in order and start the gardening season! Hopefully the asparagus won't be too far behind. And then we venture into lettuces, radishes, and other cool weather spring crops! Here we go!

Quiet Time.

The farm side of things is pretty quiet these days. We said goodbye to the goats back in January and have been missing all that fresh milk. Marty's brother actually offered to let us keep the goats, and whatever babies were to come this spring, but the idea of starting a herd is just more than we can take on right now. I think that in a few years we actually will start a small herd for milk and cheese, and we will teach our little ones to help with the farm chores.

With the unusually warm winter weather this year I feel like we should be getting ready to plant; however, we still have a good 2 months before that will happen. I did notice that our daffodil bulbs tried to start shooting up in our last batch of warm days. Everything is just a little bit confused. I am hoping that the asparagus and rhubarb plants don't try to come too early. I would rather miss out on a few flowers than some fresh vegetables.

With all this quiet time, I am doing a lot of planning for the spring and summer. The girls will be old enough to spend more time in the garden with me this year, and the baby will be small enough to pack around for longer periods of time. So long as the weather cooperates, we should have a fairly successful year. As I'm watching all our canned and frozen foods from last year move off the pantry shelves and out of the freezer drawer, I am eager to get growing new foods to replace them. I'm really falling in love with the cyclical movement of gardening and preserving. And, hopefully, I'll get a little bit better with each go around.

The Rainy Day

The Rainy Day
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

My husband recently did this poem with this students at school, and he brought it home and shared it with me. I was so grateful for the message of hope and assurance that all is for our learning and good. Yes, "some days must be dark and dreary" so that we may more fully appreciate those bright days that grace our lives. It reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures:

"And it must needs be that the devil should tempt the children of men, or they could not be agents unto themselves; for if they never should have bitter they could not know the sweet" (D&C 29:39).

How grateful I am for the chance to overcome and grow through adversity. How grateful I am that not ALL of life is adversity and there is JOY to be had! And how grateful I am to know the Gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches me such truths.

Chocolate Beet Cake

I promise, we don't eat all of our veggies in this house pureed in a baked good. I guess I just tend toward those recipes on this blog. But anywho--this is a great way to use beets if you find yourself with a glut. And oh boy, do we have more beets than we know what to do with!

CHOCOLATE BEET CAKE

1 cup butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3 eggs
2 small handfuls of chocolate chips
2 Tablespoons cocoa powder
2 cups of beet puree
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups flour (I used whole wheat with no problem)
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
powdered sugar for dusting

In a small sauce pan, melt the chocolate chips with 1/4 cup of the butter. Stir in the cocoa powder until smooth and allow pan to cool slightly while proceeding to next step. Cream the remaining 3/4 cup butter with the brown sugar. Add eggs and mix well. Blend the chocolate mixture, beet puree, and vanilla into the creamed mixture (it will appear separated). In a separate bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, salt, and spices. Add the dry mixture into the wet mixture, stirring until well combined. Pour the batter into a greased bundt pan and bake at 375 degrees for 50-55 minutes or until toothpick inserted comes out clean. Allow cake to cool about 15 minutes in the pan before turning out onto a wire rack to finish cooling. Once cake has cooled completely, dust with powdered sugar, slice, and enjoy!

Stress

I was reading a bit from an old Relief Society manual the other day and came across this quotation:

When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and, therefore, let us continue, but with a more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not over program us; he will not press upon us more than we can bear.
~Elder Neal A. Maxwell~

I needed this today. Hope it helps you on a day when you need it too.